Not the dead Dan Mccort nor the convicted Sex Offender,

Dan McCort would rather not write about himself in the third person, alas, the general trajectory of his work has not garnered the type of representation that accomplishes supporting tasks typically assigned to other professionals. 


Dan McCort has been a comedian for whatever number of years you find appealing.He is a professional amateur, most known for being “blank-slate” anonymous. 


His work has been described as, “Sir, we can only offer a store credit if you don’t have a receipt.” -Goodwill

For a can of pinto beans, nonperishable, undented, Dan can teach your parrot to say the N-word.

 
When asked of his bidding strategy if chosen from the lot of zeros composing your typical Price Is Right audience, Dan said, “I would bid one dollar higher than another specific bidder, repeatedly, until I got punched in the face. Then I would file a suit or several garnering a-long-term-unemployment amount.” This was followed by a string of incoherent, anti-Semitic ramblings inciting a contempt of court.


Email Dan and win a chance to go fuck yourself.  danmccort.com@gmail.com


With a forward booking fee of one 10-strip of Acid, he is available for children’s parties approximately 90-minutes after payment (Provided amplification that exceeds 100 yards).


He has covered a wealth of groundbreaking topics including: the difference between men and women; the difference between black people and white people, women take long in the bathroom, marriage, airline food, 72 virgins jokes, blank-price-blank-price-blank-priceless, self-deprecation, politics topically popular done in a slightly pretentious way, things my kid says, pot, self-promotion including how to buy his shit after the show, “Dan is known to also poorly play a shitty instrument on stage as a detriment to, not only his comedy, but the medium in general, as well as being a remarkable disservice to music and the collective, cultural tapestry of humanity. But he over-dramatizes the end of these intolerable chunks of artistic sewage until the overwhelmingly disappointed audience feels imposed to remarkable discomfort if not applauding. "When I saw this, he then closed by stealing a joke from another comedian, told earlier in the very same show, until management cut the mic and he was later seen crying to a bouncer who was encouraging him to go to rehab for, from what I heard is a rather alarming PCP addiction." -Rehab


You may have seen Dan McCort on Extra with Mario Lopez, or on pills behind the wheel.